my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
