Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
