Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
