I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
