Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
