I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
