Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
