I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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