I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
