Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
