Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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