i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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