You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
