I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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