were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
