just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
