She went from zero to smokin in five shots
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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