I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
