I'm gonna have a badass scar
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
