Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
