Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The beers last night were like the tears from god
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
