Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
