I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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