We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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