i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
