i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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