if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
More tranny stories later!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
