Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
They have beer where we have blood.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
