what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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