words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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