Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
