...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
