is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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