Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My pussy is not your playground.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
