how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
