If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
