somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
