im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
