i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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