I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
