Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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