dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
