How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Randomize
