i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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