in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
