she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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