You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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