sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
