i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
