i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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