If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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