so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
